Contemplating

I'm in the library. Rare, I know.

I've been sitting here trying to accomplish some homework but instead all I can do is contemplate and dwell on this mushy, wet, and cruddy day. It's so hard to sit here next to the window and look out at the oblivious people walking around campus. What am I dwelling about you might ask? Well thats simple:

1. What am I going to do with my life. I mean really I am an English major, and I don't want to change that fact however, I don't know what specific job I want at the end of my college career. I have played around with the thought of minoring in music, but the only job that comes to mind is a singer/songwriter. Don't get me wrong, thats probably the best job I could ever imagine, but think about it, realistically, it would never work out but it would be so much fun, and something I love.

2. Penfield Library is my home. This is just pathetic on so many levels. However, I don't have money nor the motivation to go out to parties to meet new people. My point? I'm lonely. Lonely in the sense that I miss my friends, but I can't go see them for lack of money, and I avoid talking to them because it only makes me depressed. All we have to say is how much we miss each other, there's not to many conversations that don't end with a frowny face. I also miss the cheesy mushy feeling of having a crush, and being crushed on. As pathetic as it sounds.

3. I need a job. I don't even think that I am gaurenteed a place at Price Chopper anymore. I might not even get any hours when I go back for fall break. This scares me because as of now... I have $40 to my name. I am freaking out.

4. Its not a nice day out.

Happiness

Finding happiness is like finding yourself. You don't find happiness, you make happiness. You choose happiness. Self-actualization is a process of discovering who you are, who you want to be and paving the way to happiness by doing what brings YOU the most meaning and contentment to your life over the long run. -David Leonhardt

Yesterday I was informed by one of my extremely close friends, that I am not happy. I wonder to myself, how would this person know if I'm happy or not. He doesn't talk to me on a regular basis and when he finally did he accused me of things that have no relevance. So with that conversation burning in my mind all night, I decided to look up a definition of Happiness that best suites me and ^^^^ that is perfect.

Just so you know, I AM happy, and even though you don't like my friends and what THEY do, you need to realize that I am not them and I live my life the way I think is right, and if you think your growing up and maturing. Thats great but don't backtrack and say that I have to choose between them or you. You should be more content in our friendship to know that what we have is so much different from them. And for your information, I am not going to "fade away in Mikes garage". I am going to make something of myself. I do want to thank you though, for showing me that no matter how intelligent someone claims to be, there is still room for error, because trust me, you made a HUGE error.

I hope your "happy" with out me corrupting your perfect life.